Andy Samberg of the 2008 SNL digital short 'Jizz in my Pants', pictured twice.
Sidney Crosby. I like this purported Monster. Certain agitators (on this very blog, even!) have been taking the mick out of the Troy and Trina Crosby offspring.
It is fashionable to hate on Sid the Kid Grown man – millionaire! - living in a basement.
Here are the 5 usual lines of argument against Sid and why they are wrong. Then I give 5 reasons why I like him and 5 reasons why I don’t. These latter two lists are not like anything you have ever seen. ever. Yes, I chose 5 for each before thinking of the actual points. Five is a nice number. There have got to be at least that many for each, right??
[Posing questions before knowing the answers? Am I a writer for Lost?!]
The Usual Sid Bashing Arguments:
1. He is not the God he claims to be.
I do not know where the evidence for this comes from. He has never – officially - said anything even remotely self-appreciative or pompous (probably to the detriment of the league). He is basically the white Jerome Iginla in interviews.
2. Okay then, he is not the God the League claims him to be.
True. So? Look, if Jesus strapped on the skates he could not live up to the marketing and media focus placed on Crosby. The truth is that this argument is a Catch-22 for the poor 1993 Timbit Player: apparently the league needs to ‘focus on players’ in the marketing and media attention, so, Crosby either is compliant with this burden or is not. If he is compliant he appears full of himself (when he is actually going to fucking all star games for interviews rather than healing) or appears to - the greatest of all Canadian Sins – not care about the game that is his heritage. Crosby did not set the expectations or create the hype himself. We did. He plays hockey well and does what the league tells him. What more do we want, aside from the league telling him to do better things – but here, blame the league.
3. He takes cheapshots.
Moreso than other players, or does it just seem like more because he gets more media attention? Empirical question. Assuming he does take more cheapshots (in number and intensity) than most, then yes, he takes cheapshots. Alexander Semin should Donkey Kong Fight bash him in and he will learn. For as much as I do not buy that the refs are reluctant to give him penalties, I really don’t buy that players are unwilling to hit him. He probably does dive a bit, and for that, SHAME!
4. He has poor leadership ability.
Ah, probably untrue. He seems pretty smart. Certainly he can lead by example on the ice, and he can choose his words well in the locker room. Don’t forget, he was leading the Pens when they made the finals. He claims his favourite player is Steve Yzerman, and in years to come I think he will better emulate him. The Pens roster has had a load of turnover since Sid has been there. Consider: Lemieux, Palffy, Hossa, Armstrong, Malone, Conklin, Laraque, Ruutu, Sabourin, etc… It takes time to build chemistry. I wonder if Angelo Esposito will turn out to be good?
5. He runs his Mouth.
This makes me like him. Hockey, particularly when spectating, is meant to be fun. It is fun to watch in itself, and fun to keep track of both positive and negative consequences. A lot of hockey is psychological [but that's a later post].
Why I like Him
1. He can cycle on even strength better than how Stamkos dreams about doing on a 5 on 3.
He is one of the top 5 most entertaining players to watch in the world.
2. Modest Canadian Playing Hockey for Millions of Dollars.
I wish that was me.
3. Saved the Penguins.
…and I like that team and where it is. I mean, Sudden Death wouldn’t make sense if they moved to Kansas City. Hell, he may have even saved other teams in the league. Imagine coming out of the lockout without the Xby [see what I did there?].
4. He is from Nova Scotia.
New Scotland! What a great province.
5. My little cousins like him and we talk about him.
Popularity is not necessarily a bad thing, you self loathing bastards.
6. BONUS! Crosby versus Ovechkin could only happen if Crosby existed.
And rivalries are super duper.
Why I dislike Crosby
1. Still living in Lemieux’s basement?
Literally a millionaire. Get a house, learn the ways of the world. See the glorious whitey suburbs of Pennsylvania. The ‘young apprentice’ mystique wore off long ago. Mario wants you gone, …but does the daughter want you to stay?
2. It does seem like he runs his mouth a bit.
Can’t say he doesn’t want to win though.
3. A bit too clean cut.
Some pics with booze, women, and smokes in the vein of Carey Price might help.
4. I wish he scored more goals.
That would be nice.
5. Too many injuries.
And they seem to recur. I fear his career will be cut short.
Crosby is fifth best Canadian hockey player in the league this year:
Savard (Boston)
Richards (Philly)
Green (Washington)
Iginla (Calgary)
Only didnt include Lecavalier and Doan because their teams fell off. I don’;t care who labelled this kid as Canada’s next, but I am allowed to hate him for it.
1. I was talking about most exciting to watch, not strictly best at – say – winning hockey games. I think Zhredev is fun to watch, but he plays zero defence. But if we were talking about the best Canadian player, this year, I’d have to consider Thornton a forerunner. Carter and Steve Mason as well.
2. So you’re allowed to hate someone because of how another has labelled them? If I label a dog a fascist, satanic drunk, do you hate the dog for it? Why hate anything here, other than maybe my – upon further investigation into the dog’s apolitical, agnostic, sober lifestyle – hasty labelling practices?
Third Man (V)in:
I declare myself an out-right enemy of everything Marc Savard stands for. I hate that guy. Hatehatehatekillhate.
I nominate Mike Green for consideration. There aren’t many D-men who have produced the kind of buzz he’s had this year. Ryan Getzlaf has been uber-solid in Anaheim, and he’s going to be an elite player for a longggg time. Lastly, I’ll say Dany “SpeedRacer” Heatley. Not that he’s been overwhelming or deserves accolades for this year’s play by any means. I just wanted to use that nickname.
A modest person who runs his mouth? Pick up a goddamned dictionary.
Modest in front of the cameras. Probably too modest for marketing purposes. It looks like he talks up a storm during games though, but we know not what he says. Like I say, I like him for running his mouth during games a bit, but sometimes it is a bit much.
Aside: Of the americans in 2010, I think I fear Parise the most.
Oh now I understand the confusion:
“Modesty is a sloop that was declared a National Historic Landmark in 2001. and It is an excellent example of an oyster dredging sloop, and only extant one that operated purely on sail power.”
Offensive defenseman: There is no way you can claim to be a hockey fan and hate Marc Savard. Also, thank you for pointing out a couple better Canadians who are outclassing Crosby every day.
No big deal. Crosby will eventually come to his senses and lighten up a bit. He just needs a vacation away from Lemieux on a “motha fucken boat!”
Or maybe he just needs to get laid?
Seems a little wound up to me.
I have to agree with the above Savard comment. I can’t stand him. He’s a great playmaker but if Don Cherry ever shows another clip of him chatting it up with his stick I’ll kill myself.
He needs to get laid on a Motha Fuckin Boat!
Savard: There has to be a reason he has never played for *any* Canadian national team. Haha, what’s the problem Jive, it’s just a ‘good canadian boy talking to an inanimate object made of chemical compounds he could never fathom’. lol
“I love you, I love you. I’m going to stroke you.”
WTF!!!
I’d rather see a player addressing issues to his stick, an actual object, than get on a knee and pray to some fantastical being.