Distinct Kicking Motion

TSN’s Jay Onrait completed his fourth annual TradeCentre blog today, providing readers ten hours worth of witty entertainment. All of us at Distinct Kicking Motion are big fans of Jay, and wish to share some of the more delectable lines from his posts today. The following lines have been deliberately removed from their original chronological and ordered context, because it’s fun that way. Now, without further delay, here is an abridged version of Jay Onrait’s 2009 TSN TradeCentre blog. Keep up the good work Jay. (Note: Unless otherwise indicated, all quotes are directly from Jay)

The best since Reda

Is someone actually making a baby this early in the morning?

It makes me very happy to know I am ruining the education of so many young people in this nation.

I would love to see Pierre as a Wal-Mart “greeter”

It’s certainly worth pointing out right now that Pang is looking very pale this morning… he’s BACK BABY! PALE RIDER is BACK!

Seeing my forest of thick chest hair would induce vomiting across the nation

I’m not ashamed of my body

I am officially depressed.

TSN Bedpans are in use and will be auctioned off after the show.

Matt Stroud: “Is the O’Toole mug comically undersized?”

Tim Naft: “I’m surprised O’Toole has a coffee mug. I would have expected it to be more of an espresso cup”

Dave Hodge’s razor-sharp wit gets up a lot earlier than you do.

James shows a board comparing Laviolette to the late, great TSN analyst John Tortorella. The title of the board: “Yankee Doodle Dandies” Wow.

Dreger and McKenzie are staring straight at their Blackberries like Lions staring at their prey.

My how far Petr Prucha has fallen. It’s clearly because he spells Peter without two “e”s

Wow does Bob McKenzie ever have some great hair in his past.

Speaking of great hair, Bret Michaels is retiring from Rock of Love.

TSN Producers have Pierre wandering around the studio which has all sorts of comedy potential.

No matter what I do in my broadcasting career, I will never be able to say I was on Danger Bay, one of the greatest TV shows in Canadian history.

I really do have an 8 X 10 picture of Gino Reda at my house.

The Holy Grail that Jesus drank out of had Gino Reda’s picture on it.

Instead of a picture of the actual reporter… we’re showing a picture of a telephone.

Gord Miller: “I’m going to watch the Philadelphia Flyers…”

James Cybulski would make a good Spock.

I actually can’t believe I get paid to do this.

Michael Farber is comparing TradeCentre to a wedding-dress sale.

Duthie loves the way Torts played hard to get throughout his time at TSN.

Eye boogers are the great social equalizer and the Pope gets them too

Gary Almeida: “Obviously Gino Reda is a national icon. He’s is TSN’s equivalent of Hulk Hogan and Barack Obama”

O’Toole makes Darren “The Pale Rider” Pang look like Clint Eastwood himself.

Bob’s head freely bobs into Dutchy’s Sportscentre update to break a trade

Jay Bouwmeester is not getting traded

People seem to want to be able to order mugs with their favourite TSN anchor.

Wow I was really really ugly on television

Keith Jones needs to be on TSN more.

It tastes like the sweat of a Canadian broadcast legend.

Kristi Hill of Etobicoke, ON asks the question that all the ladies are asking: “Why did I have to wait nearly 3 hours for John Lu to grace my television screen?”

It was a good looking phone.

O’Toole is probably 6 hours and 26 minutes from getting out of bed.

Gino is a national icon.

Alexandre Boucher: “My first born child for the Gino Reda mug”

Dan O’Toole is already a walking, living, breathing bobble-head doll

We all need to accept the fact that Pierre is a close talker.

I am about to grab a bagel.

If I could describe my chest hair to you I would use the words “Meaty” and “Selleck-esque”

“Onrait fighting a bear with an Uzi” is the new “Dolphin on the ankle”

Jeff Justiz: “If you let Bob McKenzie’s head freely bob in anyone’s house, they’re gonna need disaster insurance”

If you drink 2 Grolsch beers every day after work you can look like me too.

So all of you who were watching finally got to see my TSN boxer shorts. I’m sure for a lot of you your eyes are burning…  as for the ladies… you’re welcome…

Pierre is yelling at the camera

Pierre is loved by this nation in general.

Justin Laroche: “This just in… I trade my girlfriend for Jay Onrait”

I look like the guy from “Monk” without makeup.

I’d like to think that unlike The O.C…. the TradeCentre Blog has been consistent throughout the 4 years.

Two legends… only one mustache can win out… it’s J.V.H

I’m very happy that this blog is done. This really is my favourite part of my job.

I’m so tired.

(Click HERE for a link to read Jay’s blog in its entirety)