Even Viggo Mortensen can't be happy with this team
On the heels of the storied franchise’s 100th anniversary celebration, the current edition of the Montreal Canadiens is simply taking a big, steamy shit on 100 years of success. “Do you smell that, do you smell that?” asked long time fan Girard Depedis. “Its the smell of a steaming pile of garbage, which is exactly what the Habs are this year. They remind me of this massive dump I took last night after eating four 7-layer burritos from Taco Bell. Just downright nasty.”
The Canadiens currently see themselves having a record of 15-18-3, and are just two points ahead of the Toronto Maple Leafs in the basement of the Northeast Division. The fact that the team is playing so poorly coupled with the possibility of getting passed by the Leafs is clearly not sitting well with the fans. “Fuck me, if the Leafs finish ahead of us I might just have to kill myself,” explained Andre Riendeau, a 16 year old native of Montreal. “Being this bad is one thing, but being worse than Toronto is the ultimate kick in the nuts. I would rather eat a huge pile of cow manure then get beat by those guys.”
Even some of the oldest Habs seemed to have turned on the team as is the case for 88 year old Benoit Rouleau. “In all my years of watching this great team I have never seen anything like this,” said Rouleau who has been a season ticket older for the last 30 years. “I might be wrong but maybe it has something to do with all the different ethnicities that are on the team. For christ sakes we’ve got a nigger, a WOP and a spick. In my day it was nothing but white french canadians.” Rouleau’s son Alec quickly apologized for his father saying that his dad is from a much older era where different races were not treated with the same respect they are today.
