City of Compton Claims To Be ‘Hockeyville’

This rowdy bunch of Compton hockey players vow to be the next Hockeyville

For several years now the CBC has aired a program called “Hockeyville” which sets out to find the most passionate hockey town in Canada. The five finalists for this years contest have recently been named, a list which much to their angst did not include the city of Compton, California. Although the Hockeyville contest is  strictly a Canadian contest, Compton city officials and residents feel that they are indeed the greatest hockey city around. “We’s gots to be the best hockey city in North America,” said Compton resident and local beer league player Lontarious McJackson. “Acks any of these brothas who the best puck-ballas are and they be saying that the Compton G’s can puck like no one else. Seriously dawg, the brothas down here in the ghetto got some mad skillz, I ain’t even playin on you yo. I ain’t talkin’ bout’ none of dat pussy ass bullshit either, you get outta line on the ice out here and you gon’ get fucked up real quick. LaJason Figgins, another Compton hockey player is quick to point out the vast differences in the style of play between the Canadian cities and Compton. “I’ve heard all this whack shit about fighting and head shots, but let me tell you something, that ain’t nothing. In the city, we’re talkin’ bout’ sum hard ass shit. Niggas ’round here might not be da best skataz but they don’t play around. If you get out’ a’ line these niggas will straight up shank or cap you in a second. I seen this one nigga get his throat slit just cause he skated into the other teams zone. I seen anotha nigga get capped for taking a shot on a goalie. I’m talkin’ sum real gangsta ass shit.”

Mayor KraMarcus Jones says that his city was most defintiely snubbed when the Hockeyville ballot was released. “Yo that was some crazy ass shit man. You tryin to tell me that these other weak ass cities loves hockey mo’ than we do? Get the fuck out my face wit dat bullshit man, they ain’t got nothing on us. I’d like to see those Canadian bitches come down to our rink and see how long dey last. They’d get fucked up real quick. I bet they wouldn’t even make it out da dressin room before one of these thirsty ass niggas from ’round the block lookin for crank scared them away. We be the real ass Hockeyville, Nigga.”