
Generic picture of generic Boston Bruins' forward, Marco Sturm
Boston Bruins’ forward Marco Sturm tried to get some headlines in the series opener against the Philadelphia Flyers by tearing the ACL and MCL in his right knee. Sturm is projected to be out for about 6 months, so needless to say his playoffs are done. However, Sturm’s injury has been overshadowed by injuries to better players on other teams, and the return of Marc Savard on his own team. Unfortunately, this has left Sturm very bitter and jealous about losing out on making the headlines that he has craved for so long.
“I’ve worked hard my entire career, and I’ve never really been in the headlines,” Sturm said dejectedly. “I thought that maybe, just maybe, this one time I’d be able to be the big news in the NHL. Even for a day, I didn’t think it was too much to ask just to be THE story for one day.”
Sturm’s injury came early in Game One, which was won by Boston in overtime by the returning Marc Savard, who was playing in his first game back from a serious concussion injury. The fairytale-like ending enabled Savard to dominate the headlines, wiping away any chance Sturm had to dominate the headlines after the game.
“I was instantly relegated from a headline to a footnote,” Sturm lamented. “Seriously, Z (defenceman Zdeno Chara) or someone else couldn’t have scored that? It HAD to be Savvy? This was my big chance to steal the spotlight, and I don’t know if it’ll ever come again.”
“I just don’t want to be remembered in twenty years as ‘that guy on the Bruins third line on NHL 2009′. You know, the guy you never remember off the top of your head, but you hear the name and go ‘ohh yeah! Classic player!’”
When asked to elaborate further, Sturm offered to make a demonstration. “Okay, let’s just go back 15 years. Take the Leafs from the 1995-96 season. Everyone remembers the names like Sundin, Gartner, and Gilmour right? That’s how I’d like to be when looking back one day. I don’t want to be Benoit Hogue, Mike Craig, and Kenny Jonsson. Don’t remember those guys from that season? No? Didn’t think so.”

Marco Sturm isn't even the most famous German-born player, behind Olaf Kolzig
While Savard’s heroics dominated the headlines in Boston, Sturm’s chances at national recognition for his injury were destroyed as injuries took out better players on higher-profile teams. Pittsburgh lost centre Jordan Staal and Montreal lost defenceman Andrei Markov to injury just prior to Sturm’s injury. “Once again, I could’ve had the headline in the ‘significant playoff injury’ category. But no, those two pricks had to go out and steal the spotlight from me, and I’m relegated to a footnote.”
“I can just see in a couple years, people conversing about this year’s playoffs. ‘Hey remember all the injuries that happened that season? Yeah Markov, Staal, and then that other guy ripped up his knee… I forget who that was though.. was he on a black team?’ Goddammit it’s just not fair.”
The 31-year old Sturm has averaged just over 0.5 points per game over his career, certainly not numbers that will leave a lasting impression in the minds of fans for years to come.
Coach Claude Julien ignores Marco Sturm as he is helped off the ice
Bruins’ coach Claude Julien was asked if Sturm’s injury would significantly impact his lineup for the remainder of the playoffs. “No, no I don’t see it being much of an issue,” Julien admitted. “That production should be fairly simple to replace. Just find a player who gets a point once every other game or so, but isn’t really noticeable overall. I’m sure we’ll be just fine moving forward.”
This reminds me of that night Clint Malarchuk tried to grab the spotlight by throwing his neck out at a skate blade in the crease. Self-promoting headline hog.
hahahaha you’re a good man, Ken Socrates. But truly, Malarchuk’s little publicity stunt easily puts him at the head of the “diva” class.