The wife of Canucks defenseman Sami Salo filed a lawsuit today against the Chicago Blackhawks hockey club. Salo left last night’s game after blocking a Duncan Keith slapshot, an injury that was later diagnosed as a ruptured testicle. Today, Salo’s wife released a statement citing how she intends to sue the Blackhawks organization on the grounds of her husband not being able to have sex with her for however long it will take the injury to heal. “Great, just fucking great. What am I supposed to do now?” asked an irate Samantha Salo after learning of her husbad’s injury early this morning. “Who knows how long his nuts are gonna be out of commission. It could be weeks, months, who knows. More importantly, I have no fucking idea when the next time I will be having sex will be. Do you know what its like to hear that your husband has a ruptured testicle? No I’m sure you don’t because who on earth as ever ruptured a testicle? Stupid hockey players, I knew I never should have married one.”
When asked why she decided to sue the entire Hawks organization, Mrs. Salo’s reasons were very clear. “I don’t know who shot the puck and I don’t really care. All I know is that I have a husband who now has one ball, and someone has to pay for that. You don’t understand, his balls were like magic. I could play with those puppies all day long. In a matter of seconds my husband’s sack went from being firm and lustrous, to now being brittle and bruised. It’s a terrible, terrible feeling knowing that something that once gave you so much enjoyment will probably never be the same again.”
The Chicago Blackhawks, who have reportedly already gathered a team of lawyers to defend the case, released this statement after learning of the suit. “We are extremely apologetic for what happened to Mr. Salo in last night’s game. We understand and sympathize with Mrs. Salo, but feel that we should not be held responsible for Mr. Salo’s resulting injury. We can only assure the fans that we will do everything we can in order to uphold the long standing reputation of the Chicago Blackhawks hockey club. Thank you.”
Lmao Chicago ignorance at its finest . Go fuck yourself you american piece of trash. I hope a plane lands on Kane’s head fuuuuuuuk uuuuuuuuuuuuuu
If you actually took the time to read anything on this site, you’d realize we’re about as Canadian as possible and, if anything, biased heavily towards Canadian teams.
Ironically, my brother (who is an avid Canucks fan) found this article somewhere on the Canucks Official forums, so he said. In that case, kudos to you. I highly enjoyed the article. I also giggled at that ‘Canuck Patriotism’ comment left above.
We did have an unusual number of hits coming in from some forum, so it must be the same one… I find it equally fulfilling when people enjoy our humour and when people loathe our writing and take it seriously.