June 1, 2010
What would this young fan think if she learned that her hero was a puck stealer?
Despite recently donating 4 million dollars of his contract to a Philadelphia SickKids Hospital, Flyers defenceman Chris Pronger continues to be looked at as a villain because of the game pucks he stole at the conclusion of games 1 and 2 of the Stanley Cup Finals. “How dare he take those pucks,” said Blackhawks fan James Hoover. “Those were two hard fought wins for the Hawks and they deserved to savour the victories with a nice souvenir. Chris Pronger has no class at all, and if you ask me, he’s a real piece of crap.” Keep reading →
May 28, 2010
The Mullet: "We Will Win"
Much like Mark Messier’s guaranteed victory over the New Jersey Devils in game 6 of the 1994 Eastern Conference Finals, Patrick Kane’s Mullet added another chapter to the book of bold predictions by guaranteeing that his Chicago Blackhawks will defeat the Flyers and capture the franchise’s first Stanley Cup since 1961. “We’re gonna win. Write it down, stamp it, send it to the Flyers dressing room, I don’t care what you do. Thats just how confident I am,” said the Mullet, as it flowed down the back of Hawks sniper Patrick Kane’s head. Keep reading →
May 25, 2010
Chicago Blackhawks:
- Make sure to get a lot of shots on Flyers goalie Michael Leighton because he probably isn’t really any good
- Gain the supprt of the southern States by showing them pictures of Patrick Kane’s mullet
- Try to ignore the fact that Marian Hossa has been on the losing team in two straight Stanley Cup Finals
- Playoff mustache’s are cool, but not on Joel Quenneville
- Trick one of the Flyers players into picking up Patrick Kane in a Taxi
- Since they haven’t won a Cup since 1961, they should probably try really hard to win this time
Philadelphia Flyers
- Make sure to get a lot of shots on Hawks goalie Antti Niemi because he probably isn’t really any good
- Don’t let Dustin Byfuglien get close to the net because he can dunk
- Chris Pronger seems to be pretty good so they should put him out a lot
- Have Flyers legend Bobby Clarke give a two hour demonstration on slashing, spearing, cross-checking, elbowing, checking from behind, butt-ending, kicking, and head-butting
- Either way, try to get the series over fast so that no one has to see Scott Hartnell anymore
- If the team happens to lose, just do what any good Philadelphian does; blame Donovan Mcnabb
May 15, 2010
After playing a major role in Chicago’s 4-2 series victory over the Vancouver Canucks, Hawks Dustin Byfuglien took the time to sit down with DKM and answer a few questions on the upcoming Western Conference Final between Chicago and San Jose.
DKM: Hi Dustin, congrats on the win over the Canucks
Byfuglien: Ahhhhhh yeeeeah thanks playa, much love.
DKM: You had a big series against the Canucks. Not only were you getting under their skin but you were also showing up big on the scoresheet. What do you attribute that success to?
Byfuglien: Yo let me tell you somethin brotha, those ‘Nucks ain’t nothin for a big dawg like me to worry about. I was getting right up in Luongo’s grill all series long and when they would get mad I would just start lightin shit up all ova the place. I was straight beastin out there, and with my two main niggas J.Tizzle and P.Kanzey out there, we was straight dirty all night long, man, you feel me?
DKM: You’ve garnered a reputation of being a crease crasher and a bully. Is that something you enjoy or is it just a role you have to play in order to be successful?
Byfuglien: Yo check this out bro. I luv that shit. Ain’t nobody gon’ stop me from doing my thang. If these bitches can’t roll with the big dawgs then they should just get the fuck out the kennel. I ain’t worried about any of these hataz runnin they mouth, I’m just gon’ keep shinin. They call me Big Buff and I don’t play. Keep reading →
May 13, 2010
The Montreal Canadiens celebrate their Game 7 victory over the Pittsburgh Penguins
The Montreal Canadiens continued their playoff run with yet another upset victory, this time knocking off the defending champion Pittsburgh Penguins in seven games. This has been the cause of much excitement and celebration, both for the players on the team and the fans in Montreal. However, DKM has learned that the magical playoff run has upset at least one player, backup goaltender Carey Price.
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May 12, 2010
The defending Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins find themselves in an unexpected elimination game tonight when they host the Montreal Canadiens in game 7 of their Eastern Conference semi-final series. The Pens, who were heavy favourites coming into the series, failed to close out the upstart Habs in game 6 and now face an anything-can-happen, winner-take-all game against the Habs. Following their defeat in game 6 at the Bell Centre, Pittsburgh players admitted that now that the series is going seven games they might just have to start taking the opposition seriously. Keep reading →
May 10, 2010
The wife of Canucks defenseman Sami Salo filed a lawsuit today against the Chicago Blackhawks hockey club. Salo left last night’s game after blocking a Duncan Keith slapshot, an injury that was later diagnosed as a ruptured testicle. Today, Salo’s wife released a statement citing how she intends to sue the Blackhawks organization on the grounds of her husband not being able to have sex with her for however long it will take the injury to heal. Keep reading →
May 5, 2010
After his team was defeated 4-3 in overtime and fell behind 3-0 in their series against the San Jose Sharks, Red Wings head coach Mike Babcock seemed confused and disoriented as he explained to reporters that Tim Cheveldae needs to step up his play in the series. “Our goaltending has really let us down in this series. That third goal by Couture tonight is one that Chevy needs to save,” said Babcock referring to the early 90′s Wings goaltender who spent six uninspiring seasons in Detroit.
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May 3, 2010
Generic picture of generic Boston Bruins' forward, Marco Sturm
Boston Bruins’ forward Marco Sturm tried to get some headlines in the series opener against the Philadelphia Flyers by tearing the ACL and MCL in his right knee. Sturm is projected to be out for about 6 months, so needless to say his playoffs are done. However, Sturm’s injury has been overshadowed by injuries to better players on other teams, and the return of Marc Savard on his own team. Unfortunately, this has left Sturm very bitter and jealous about losing out on making the headlines that he has craved for so long.
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April 30, 2010
4. Pittsburgh vs. 8. Montreal
How did Montrear do it? They knocked off the mighty Capitars!, so vely unberievable! Now they must pray the defending Stanrey Cup Champion Pittsburrrgh Pengrins. I don’t think Montrear can win this time but they will defintery try their vely hawwwwwdest. In the end, Sid Closby and Evgeni Markin will score too many goars on Harak and the dream season will be arr ovel. Pens in 6
6. Boston vs. 7. Philadelphia
Boston Bluins against Phiraderphia Fryers, such a vely ord time matchup!! Two rong time rivars who don’t rike each othel vely much and don’t care arot for smiring. Bruins and Fryers both pulled the mighty upsets in round one and now they meet each othel when they arr praying their best hockey of the season, and smiring the hawwwwwwwwdest. I pick the Bluins to win because they have the giant Charrrrra. He is like giant Mothra man from movie I watch rast night. He breath heavy fire out his nose, but he is still such a vely vely nice gentre man, arways skating and smiring. Bruins in 5
April 29, 2010
Prior the start of the first round, Caps sniper Alexander Semin stopped by DKM and gave his series predictions. Alex was almost dead on, correctly picking 7 of the 8 first round matchups. He even called the upsets by the Bruins and Flyers. The only error was picking his Washington Capitals to win, but the Caps were stunned by Montreal, an upset that no one could have seen coming. Understandably, Alex was pretty upset following the loss and told DKM that despite his success, he will not be making predictions for the rest of the playoffs. Luckily, our old pal Richard Park of the New York Islanders has answered the bell and DKM is proud to present his second round playoff predictions. Today Richard starts with the Western Conference semi-finals:
1. San Jose vs. 5. Detroit
Ohhh wwwrow this shourd be a vely enteltaining series. The snapping Shalks agaisnt the mighty Led Wings. After a srrrow start, San Jose finarry ovelcame their prayoff deamons and defeated the young Avaranche. Meanwhire, Detloit needed seven games to beat a hungly Phoenix team. This series should be vely vely crose, but I am going to pick the Led Wings. They have so many tarented prayers and so much expelience and arr arways smiring so vely hawwwwd. Wings in 7
2. Chicago vs. 3. Vancouver
Wrrowwww! This is another hawwwd series to carr, unberievble!!!! These two teams don’t like each othel and don’t smire at each othel vely much. Last year the Hawwwks were abre to beat Vancouvel but this year things will be so vely different. Luongo is like big giant Godzeeeera in net and move even slower than whale but he so big that he brock arr the pucks that come his way. Sedin’s arr the smirriest of twins and that helps them to be the friedriest teammates; arways passing and smiring at each othel. So vely vely nice. Patlick Kane has the nicest prayoff murret but it will not be enough to beat the team in the nice brrue unifolms. Canucks in 6
Kane's murret shines rike gorrrd!!
**Check back Friday for Rich’s Eastern conference predictions
April 27, 2010
With news from TSN.ca that Philadelphia Flyers’ winger Ian Laperriere will miss the remainder of the season, may wonder how the Flyers have reacted to the gritty winger’s injury. Fortunately, we here at DKM have the exclusive insider on the situation, with commentary from those inside the dressing room. If you haven’t seen the video yet, it follows the story after the jump.
Ian Laperierre's face after the first time he blocked a shot with his mouth
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